LGBTQIA+ Mental Health | Tips From A Queer Therapist
The holiday season can be a wonderful time to reconnect with family and friends. It can also be a busy and stressful period, with overstimulating travel and high-pressure social events. For many queer folks, navigating the holidays can be even more fraught.
If you’re not out to family or friends—for safety or for other personal reasons—going home for the holidays can feel more stressful than celebratory. Even folks who are out may be facing family who are uninformed, or even openly hostile. Every family has its own expectations and culture. Knowing what’s safe to talk about, wear, or even what name and pronouns you are able to use can add to the confusion and stress of the season.
Five Ways To Stay Safer & Happier During Holiday Gatherings as a Queer Person
Establish who is safe beforehand if possible
Finding a friend or relative who is a safe space can be a boon during stressful gatherings. Ask them if they can change the topic of conversation or distract if the situation gets uncomfortable. You might find it useful to establish a signal or a safe word to let them know you need backup.
Set reasonable expectations
Is there room for negotiation around holiday plans? Maybe you can show up to a gathering late or leave early. Perhaps you don’t need to attend every activity. If you’re not sure what is being asked of you, it’s ok to ask for clarity so that you can plan ahead.
Find time alone when you can
Sometimes a little alone time to reset can make the difference between a successful get together and a meltdown. Go on a walk if you can, or offer to run an errand for the group. Even hiding in the bathroom for a few minutes of breathing can help? (Pro-tip: Check out Sage Swiatek’s tips on somatic tools that work!)
Be intentional about substance use
Alcohol is often flowing at holiday parties, and having a drink or two can help many people feel more comfortable and relaxed. At the same time, overdoing substance use can make stressful, uncomfortable, or unsafe social situations worse.
Making a plan ahead of time can help you find the right balance of celebration and self-care. If you’re sober, that plan might include knowing where to find a local or online queer-friendly meeting.
Leave time for recovery
If you’re expecting a holiday gathering to be stressful, build some time for recovery into your schedule. Do you need some alone time? Time with your partner or cuddled up with a pet? Take it easy and make some time for yourself.
Bonus Tip: Create your own holiday traditions
Whether you’re going home for the holidays or not, there’s no reason you can’t also find new ways to celebrate with LGBTQIA+ friends and chosen family too. You deserve time to celebrate the end of the year your way, with people who see and accept you as you are.
About the Author
Justine Fan, PhD (ze/zer) is a licensed psychologist and online therapist specializing in support for the LGBTQIA+ community. Ze is especially enthusiastic about working with AAPI clients, and people with immigrant heritage, to navigate the intersections between cultural, sexual, and gender identity. Ze is currently offering therapy online for adults age 18+ in California.
If you’re located in California and would like to learn more about working with Justine, you can schedule a free, 20-minute consultation to get started.
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